On a sunny afternoon I had coffee with a good friend. The conversation veered off into various topics when a pressing issue emerged: how to feel more in charge of your own life. I began to think about what fostering agency means in the real world.

Imagine this. Imagine yourself walking through a thick forest on a path that is twisted. You must decide which way to go. This is the path of life. It’s filled with challenges, choices and triumphs. How come some people seem to be able to navigate with ease, while others struggle?

Let’s start with self-awareness. You can think of it as firmly planting your feet on the ground. Moving forward without knowing who you are or what you want is like walking with blindfolds. In this dense forest, self-awareness will guide you. You need to know your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your values. Know yourself, as Socrates said.

Next, let’s discuss decision-making. The agony of choice! Have you ever stood before an ice-cream parlor and stared at the 31 flavors, paralyzed with choices? In life, making decisions can also be a daunting task. Start small. Daily, mundane choices. Every decision is a brick that builds your mansion.

Tom, a friend of mine, never left home without his notebook. He would write down his daily goals every night. This was his daily routine. He felt more in control and had a better sense of direction. He didn’t know he was developing his own agency.

You are not an island. Our journeys are shaped by our interactions with others. Communication is essential. Imagine you are steering a boat. A clear, concise communication between you and your crew will ensure smooth sailing. Speak up if you’re annoyed by something. Speak up if you’re appreciative of something. Use your voice. Use your voice.

There’s also resilience. The backbone of the agency! Life knocks you down. It happens. You’ve probably experienced it. You got back up and tried it again. Even as adults, we may still carry the scars in our hearts and minds. The game is the same. Get up. Get up. Continue on. Keep going.

Have you heard of embracing uncertainty before? You’re like a dancer in the rain, instead of waiting to see the storm pass. Stephen, from my office, hopped from job to job unsure of where he would land. He saw each step as an opportunity to learn, rather than a flaw. Life throws curveballs at us all. Each one is an opportunity to learn.

Boundaries are not negotiable, my friends. Settling boundaries is similar to putting up a fence in your garden. You decide what goes in and what doesn’t. Boundaries protect your mental space, whether they are personal or professional. When you must, say no. Prioritize tasks. As simple as planting a flag and standing firm.

Another secret weapon is perspective. Have you ever zoomed in on Google Maps so that you can see the larger picture? In order to achieve agency, sometimes it is necessary to gain perspective. Take a bird’s-eye view of your life. Celebrate your small wins and learn from failures. Balance is key. Jack is dull if he spends all his time working.

A growth mindset is just as important. Imagine life as a game. Each level has new skills and challenges to learn. Accept them. Commit yourself to self-improvement and continuous learning. The brain is a powerful muscle that can help you grow. Flex it!

What if you accepted imperfection as a positive thing? Lisa, an overly-perfectionist friend, discovered peace through messy art. It’s okay to not have everything perfect. The chaos of life is beautiful. It’s liberating.

Think of agency as baking a cake. Prepare your ingredients, including self-awareness and decision-making skills, communication, resilience and more. Mix well. Baking takes patience. You might have one or two flops. You’ll soon taste the sweetness of empowerment.